I remember, sometimes ago, watching a TV show. I can’t remember the name of the show, unfortunately, but that particular episode talked about ‘power pose’.

An actor exited the elevator and walked into the office for the interview. He positioned his body in a wide stance, chest open, with hands on his hips while standing—intentionally adopting the stance of a powerful person. This gave the actor the appearance of a confident, powerful person!

TIP 1

ADOPT THE RIGHT POSTURE

Research has shown that posture has a bigger impact on body and mind than most people think.

Striking a powerful, spread-out pose may change the levels of hormones linked to dominance and assertion (such as cortisol, testosterone, progesterone) and in turn your behaviour.

This can leave an impact on how you are perceived in the working world. People that sit up straight and walk tall are often assumed to be more attractive and more confident.

Also, the right stance can not only lift your self-esteem and mood; it can reduce symptoms of stress.

Try the power pose yourself! After watching the episode that I mentioned earlier, I actually tried the power pose myself.

I felt not only a difference in how my body reacted to the pose, I also feel different! Try it yourself—see below for simple step-by-step instructions.

  • Stand straight
  • Pull your shoulders back a little for the open chest stance
  • Lean slightly forward with your hands at your side
  • If you’re seated, sit up straight and try not to slump or slouch your shoulders

TIP 2

SMILE MORE!

Smiling will not only make you feel better, it will make others feel more comfortable around you.

Adopt a good posture and smile—you will appear to be the epitome of self-confidence.

TIP 3

DRESS APPROPRIATELY FOR THE OCCASION

Dress nicely, which does not necessarily expensive or branded.

Instead, wear something presentable and appropriate for the occasion. Make sure that it’s clean and comfortable, so that you will feel good wearing them and, hence, feel good about yourself too.

TIP 4

PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION & EMPATHY

There are many techniques out there on how to boost one self-confidence. One that is closest to my heart, one that works mostly for myself and most of my clients is practicing self-compassion and empathy.

We often say “Thank you!” and be nice to the people that help us. However, have you ever said thank you to yourself? Have you ever even considered saying thank you to yourself for working so hard, for going to school, studying so diligently for your exams, for brushing your teeth daily or even changing your clothes, cooking meals for yourself, exercising, and helping others when they need it?

Why is it that we can easily say thank you to anyone and everyone but not ourselves?

We can be extremely harsh to ourselves most of the time. Instead of thanking ourselves for our tireless efforts in going about our day-to-day, we usually affirm ourselves negatively with statements such as “I have not done enough!” or “This is not good enough!”

All this negativity will only strip away our confidence bit by bit, day by day.

I LOVE MYSELF

In my 50s, I learned this truth the hard way. For more than 40 years, I have been my biggest bully.

I have been my own slave master, and I beat myself up harshly. I have always seen myself as a lesser human being, that everyone around me and everyone else was much better than I ever was or could ever be.

I did this so often, that it got to the point where I totally lost all my confidence, and I didn’t believe in myself anymore!

I learned to overcome it by stopping this constant self-criticizing.

I developed a loving relationship with myself. Now, I talk to myself as my own best loving friend, as someone that is caring and loving to me.

Today, I can really say, I am confident of who I am. I am proud of who I have became and what I do.

Even though, I still make mistakes, I am confident that I have room to improve.

The best thing you can do for yourself

The best thing you can do for yourself is not buying yourself a house or a luxurious car, an expensive gift, a spa session, or go on holiday.

Rather, the best thing that you can do for yourself every day is to simply love yourself enough, say thank you to yourself, and appreciate and acknowledge the efforts and hard work that you’ve put into everything.

Learn to treat yourself with love and care instead of criticism.

Be nice to yourself and you will transform your life and your relationship with others. A happier you, a happier significant other. A happier you, a happier child. A happier you, a happier friend.

That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

Remember: a happy self-loving person is a confident person!

In addition to providing professional counselling, Faith Foo is also an author of motivational books for both adults and children. She weaves her advice through relatable anecdotes, parallels to real life, and metaphors as well as allegories both amusing and poignant. Scan the QR code or visit www.faithfoocounseling. com to find out more.

References: 1. Carney, D. R., Cuddy, A. J., & Yap, A. J. (2010). Power posing: brief nonverbal displays affect neuroendocrine levels and risk tolerance. Psychological science, 21(10), 1363–1368. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797610383437 2. Miragall, M., Etchemendy, E., Cebolla, A., Rodríguez, V., Medrano, C., & Baños, R. M. (2018). Expand your body when you look at yourself: The role of the posture in a mirror exposure task. PloS one, 13(3), e0194686. https://doi.org/10.1371/ journal.pone.0194686